Wednesday, 3 April 2013

All Bets Frozen...

We have now entered the "Home Straight" with only 8-10 weeks left until Mu's brother or sister arrives, and talk in the Toy Tub has turned from odds on a boy or a girl (all initial protests as to the appropriateness of Big Ted running a book on this have now been laid to rest as most have now had a flutter), to who will be the newest recruit to join the ranks. Obviously a new baby means a new position of Favourite Toy has been created and Toy Tub Talk seems to be going along the lines of a Pre-Baby-Arrival appointment, meaning it will be a none gender specific toy.

For me it means a counter-part, someone who will understand the pressures of the role, which is limited for the other toys with whom I work. Yes, they are most sympathetic to the nature of the job, yes they have flinched as they have seen the result of teething and amateur push chair driving, but none can really truly understand unless one has actual experience of the job itself.

While it's safe to say I was appointed to the role as a novice, with Mam & Dad taking a chance on a new lion with no formal experience in the allotted role, interview feedback did state that they saw real potential in me during the process of appointment. But despite this I can't help but feel, as I remember back to my day of purchase, that it was a rather fraught affair, far too close to Christmas, in an over-crowed Metro Centre, with Mam attempting her first public feed (feed of Mu, not of herself) and Dad all too carried away with being allowed out of the house for the first time in 2 weeks. Which leads me to wonder whether their decision was a hasty - albeit correct - one? Thus letting me conclude that, were I to be consulted in the matter of my fellow Favourite Toy's appointment, I would like someone with some previous experience as well as an empathetic ear. Yet, I fear I will not be part of the process as seemingly it will fall to Dad, who's drafted in Mu as his assistant, to pick the person for the role. Coupling my knowledge of how giddy he gets at this sort of thing with Mu's current obsession with spiders & dogs, I can only imagine what they will return with for the unsuspecting sibling.

It is with this in mind I have drafted the following Job Specification should Dad wish to be rational about this. I am aware that my name did have A LOT to do with the decision to give me the job, as Mam had insisted throughout her pregnancy with Mu that Aslan Tumnus Oliver was a suitable name for a child. Thankfully she hasn't expressed any such naming horrors this time around, mainly as she's been pre-occupied with Big Macs...

Child's Favourite Toy

  • Previous experience essential - but not to the extent that parts of you are falling off and could be eaten.
  • Empathetic Ear - therefore must be an animal that has actual ears.
  • Ability to work as part of a growing team -  as to how big this team may grow is TBC, Mam has been spotted watcthing "16 Kids & Counting" but unsure as to her conclusion of this programme.
  • Ability to rationalise the un-rational - This, I feel, is self explanatory.
  • Securely fastened hook - Push Chair Driving remains at novice level, especially as the introduction of a double push chair is being brought into the mix.
  • Washable - because, in no way will Mam adhere to your labels instructions to "Surface wipe with a damp cloth only".

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