Not only am I now word perfect on the films - Tangled, Little Mermaid, Frozen - but I am also well aquatinted with each princesses pet (yes, they all have their own) and their accessories (of which there seem to be endless, and of which Mam is regularly informed we DON'T have enough of).
All this has led to me thinking, while I did enjoy the odd Disney flick as a child, watching them as a fully grown Lion gives you a very different spin on them.
For example, As a child I loved the Little Mermaid. There, I've said it out loud in the Blogosphere. Judge me all you want but that Lemon Sole's got Soul. Anyway, as a young lion club I identified with this 16 year old, oppressed by her parent, and unable to live the life she dreamed - nay, deserved. But watching it as I do now my overwhelming thought is
"That girl is spoilt and needs a good kick in the pants. You are 16 years old young lady-fish, and you know nothing. You dad knows what's best for you and your behaviour only serves to re-enforce his thoughts that you're not in love with Eric, you won't be forever unhappy unless you get legs and all the other mer-people are NOT doing it too. This film should have been called The Little Madam"
And it's not just Ariel that I have issues with.
Rapunzel, needs a good hair cut from the off and then all her troubles would be over before the film had begun. And while I'm dwelling on her life story let me just point out that if she's got time on her hands and is going to 'Have a Dream', it needs to be a better one than medieval Germany's Blackpool Illuminations. After all that she's been through she's going to need a good 5-7 years of counselling in order to process who she is, re-affirm her identity and deal with her overwhelming issues of attachment and resilience caused by being ripped away form her parents as a baby and placed in the care of a crazy woman who never let her leave the house. And so with that said, her and Flynn Rider - not going to last. She's not Tangled, she's Messed Up.
Elsa, told all her life that she's not good enough to be seen by humanity and then asked to be queen of a kingdom - she wouldn't have had time to be coronated as she would have let her frozen vengeance reign down like a...well, like a snowstorm. All that pent up anger and resentment from her parents being ashamed of her and thinking that a pair of gloves will solve all her problems means she's only going to be a whirlwind of fury by the time she's 'Come of age'. She ain't letting anything go. And that analysis is purely based on the obvious mental health issues her younger sister has. She's not Frozen, she's Furious.
I could go on..
Jasmine - needs the real world not a whole new one.
Cinderella - needs a Solicitor not a Fairy Godmother.
Snow White - needs to stop encouraging vermin to help her clean things - mice and birds are incontinent you know?
and Belle - well, actually, Belle's pretty cool...
All of them need a good talking to - and one where they don't get to answer back with a catchy 4 chord melody.
All I can say is hurry up Roo and grow up because a couple of episodes of Fireman Sam every 4 weeks is not going to save the day - well, not mine anyway.
