Aqua Zorbing

Mam sprung a new one on me this week and announced that I'd be taking up a new extreme sport - Aqua Zorbing - in which Mu would not be participating. I was torn between appreciating some time off and wondering if I was still carrying some Christmas weight, but none the less I was excited.

The fact that this announcement came soon after I had failed at maintaining my presence inside the pushchair and made contact with the wheel during a hair-pin corner - thus creating a possible dog poo contamination scenario on my paws - was unrelated.

For those who are unfamiliar with the concept, Zorbing is you, in a life sized hamster ball, pushed down a hill.

Aqua Zorbing is you & this same life sized hamster ball filled with water and pushed down a hill.

Now I understand this may sound like some kind of punishment, and, while I can't confirm or deny it's origins from Guantanamo, as it is something you pay money for the privilege of experiencing, I think that puts it as least one step back from Chinese Water Torture, but perhaps one step ahead of Aqua-Robics.

What Mam had failed to mention was that I would not be in the Zorb alone, she also failed to mention that this was a home-made Aqua Zorbing experience, which does call into question where my particular experience of this sport lies on the aforementioned Sport-to-Torture Scale.

What followed was me, surrounded by clothes, soap suds and, yes, water, in what I can only describe as 30 minutes of vigorous thrashing, wrestling thin air and generally fighting for my life - so in many ways not unlike Aqua-Robics...

To say it was the worst 30 minutes of my life would be an exaggeration. To say I enjoyed it would be a lie. To say I won't be partaking in this activity again is, apparently, not an option...

The experience as a whole left me clinging to Mu's dribble bib like Jack in Titanic and for the first time in my life seriously considering those Slim Fast Shakes...

Life after Narnia

...Today's been a hot one, and, for once, I was glad of the opportunity to be constantly drooled on by Mu, who knew the toothless gums of an infant could be like water in a parched land...

Spent most of the day suspended in the pushchair, the reasons for this several-fold;

1) Need to be in constant reach of Mu while she she is being couriered hither and thither by Mam...
2) The pushchair seemingly only has 2 speeds - break neck & breaking...
3) Haven't quite mastered the art of staying in the pushchair as we negotiate left & right handed turns, kurbs and dog poo...
4) Haven't a clue where we were going...

Also have very patchy sun burn due to Mam's slap-dash approach to 'creaming up' before letting Mu see the sun. Pending her gaining control of the 200ml bottle of Simple Sun Cream for Kids, t'would seem only way to ensure Mu's TOTAL and COMPLETE coverage from the sun rays is by coating anything within a 3 metre radius in Factor 50. Apparently Mu wearing a long dress, sun hat and being placed in the shade for the duration of her time outside wasn't enough in itself. Still, no such thing as a 'healthy tan'.

 Not saying my decision to leave an entire kingdom in the hands of adolescents while I experienced some 'real life' was wrong, just saying life was drier and less confusing in a land that was always winter...